This new theory of things makes you feel small and dumb

It's about time. It does go backwards. And sideways!

Another day, another theory of the universe: "New theory proposes time has three dimensions, with space as a secondary effect.”

"These three time dimensions are the primary fabric of everything, like the canvas of a painting," said associate research professor Gunther Kletetschka at the UAF Geophysical Institute. "Space still exists with its three dimensions, but it's more like the paint on the canvas rather than the canvas itself."

Okay. And light is the staples that hold the canvas to the frame, and gravity is the nail on which the canvas hangs. I would not be surprised next week to read this:

“A new theory proposes that space is actually “Thin,” in the sense that everything is only one micron wide, but we have the illusion of depth because of ‘multi-spatial chrono-matter,’ a theoretical substance made of muons and demi-quarks.

“It is possible that the universe is not vast and infinite,” said Geoffrey Hammermill-Bond, theoretician at the University of Glasgow, where there’s apparently bugger all to do but look at the rain and put big words together to make the day pass. “The universe really about the size of a sheet of paper,” Hammermill-Bond says. But wouldn’t we know? Wouldn’t we all have backaches from being hunched over constantly? “Not if the muons have a negative quantum interaction with the quasi-axions created by demi-quark decay,” he said. “If that’s the case, you might feel it in your lower back at the end of a long day, but that could also be due to your chair.”