"Frankly", (get it?), I despise Halloween. I know, I'm an old poop. I got the first inkling of the impending Fourth of Ween in an email with suggestions that I start knitting my Halloween trinkets NOW. I am also way over the stupid Santa skiing, Santa scuba diving, Santa surfing, Santa skydiving that appears right on schedule after Hallowgiving. It's no longer funny, it's no longer a novelty. Knock it off, already.
Americans are so competitive that each year the yard decorations grow ever larger. What is with this desire to have the biggest skeleton or monster or Santa on the block? I keep imagining the Chinese manufacturers thinking, "Americans are dumb but profitable".
The ginned-up enthusiasm for out-of-season holidays has everything to do with merchandizing opportunities. Christmas is holiday #1, by virtue of its venerable commercial appeal: that's not going to change.
But what holiday gets to claim the second slot in the accountant's ledger? Halloween, thanks to costume sales, candy sales, and the growing enthusiasm for thematic inflatable lawn sculpture that is sufficiently inconvenient as to be justified only if it's left up for weeks prior to the big day.
From a purely retail standpoint, Easter isn't going to catch on. Sure, the promise of eternal salvation is nice, but the popular mythology is an incoherent mess. How do you market a ten foot inflatable Peep or a giant egg-laying rabbit? You don't.
Competition for the third most lucrative national holiday comes down to Thanksgiving and Independence Day. While the iconography of neither lends itself to large-scale lawn decor, the latter offers an excuse for men to acquire expensive new gas grills and splurge on pyrotechnic entertainment. There's growth potential here that pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce simply can't match.
What? No, we're not just sitting in the sun on our balcony naked, we're ADAM AND EVE for Juneoween! Ya gotta look at the bright side of these things. Though I'll admit I used to love the "Christmas season" a lot more when it was just two weeks in December.
"The minute the Fourth of July is over, Target dumps the summer merch in the seasonal aisle for Back to School, an act of stupendous cruelty. Children with two big months of summer left face a giant pencil hanging from the ceiling like the blade of a guillotine."
James, did you not once repeat, in another context, your mother's assertion that after July 4th summer is over? IU seem to recall you endorsing that sentiment.
I adhere to a strict one-holiday-at-a-time rule. My only exception is I will buy Christmas cards before Thanksgiving, so I can start writing them that weekend. (We have a long list, and I like to get them out early.)
Ugh! Totally agree. I’m a happy Florida resident, but holidays down here are already weird enough. And don’t even get me started on shopping displays way too early. Hey, it’s July 1st - let’s put out all the Christmas merchandise! Maybe one day they’ll get so far ahead, they’ll be on time.
"Stores have responded to consumer demand..." Yup. Plus, it gives the news-heads something to jape about besides the latest tomfoolery from Yazmine Croquet.
"a giant pencil hanging from the ceiling like the blade of a guillotine." Ok, this is top-notch Lileks.
"Frankly", (get it?), I despise Halloween. I know, I'm an old poop. I got the first inkling of the impending Fourth of Ween in an email with suggestions that I start knitting my Halloween trinkets NOW. I am also way over the stupid Santa skiing, Santa scuba diving, Santa surfing, Santa skydiving that appears right on schedule after Hallowgiving. It's no longer funny, it's no longer a novelty. Knock it off, already.
Americans are so competitive that each year the yard decorations grow ever larger. What is with this desire to have the biggest skeleton or monster or Santa on the block? I keep imagining the Chinese manufacturers thinking, "Americans are dumb but profitable".
The ginned-up enthusiasm for out-of-season holidays has everything to do with merchandizing opportunities. Christmas is holiday #1, by virtue of its venerable commercial appeal: that's not going to change.
But what holiday gets to claim the second slot in the accountant's ledger? Halloween, thanks to costume sales, candy sales, and the growing enthusiasm for thematic inflatable lawn sculpture that is sufficiently inconvenient as to be justified only if it's left up for weeks prior to the big day.
From a purely retail standpoint, Easter isn't going to catch on. Sure, the promise of eternal salvation is nice, but the popular mythology is an incoherent mess. How do you market a ten foot inflatable Peep or a giant egg-laying rabbit? You don't.
Competition for the third most lucrative national holiday comes down to Thanksgiving and Independence Day. While the iconography of neither lends itself to large-scale lawn decor, the latter offers an excuse for men to acquire expensive new gas grills and splurge on pyrotechnic entertainment. There's growth potential here that pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce simply can't match.
What? No, we're not just sitting in the sun on our balcony naked, we're ADAM AND EVE for Juneoween! Ya gotta look at the bright side of these things. Though I'll admit I used to love the "Christmas season" a lot more when it was just two weeks in December.
"The minute the Fourth of July is over, Target dumps the summer merch in the seasonal aisle for Back to School, an act of stupendous cruelty. Children with two big months of summer left face a giant pencil hanging from the ceiling like the blade of a guillotine."
James, did you not once repeat, in another context, your mother's assertion that after July 4th summer is over? IU seem to recall you endorsing that sentiment.
I adhere to a strict one-holiday-at-a-time rule. My only exception is I will buy Christmas cards before Thanksgiving, so I can start writing them that weekend. (We have a long list, and I like to get them out early.)
Ugh! Totally agree. I’m a happy Florida resident, but holidays down here are already weird enough. And don’t even get me started on shopping displays way too early. Hey, it’s July 1st - let’s put out all the Christmas merchandise! Maybe one day they’ll get so far ahead, they’ll be on time.
Heathens gonna heathen.
"Stores have responded to consumer demand..." Yup. Plus, it gives the news-heads something to jape about besides the latest tomfoolery from Yazmine Croquet.